I woke up wanting his arms around my waist, his lips brushing against mine.
It’s a painful feeling when the person you are dreaming about is untouchable.
The person I wanted at 3am didn’t want me anymore.
We were friends and then we were lovers and that’s where it ends.
You can be a lover and find a friend inside that person, but it’s impossible to have a friend and turn them into a lover without losing them when it all comes crashing down.
I knew him in the most intimate way possible, in and out of the bedroom.
Because intimacy isn’t just knowing every curve and feel of their body,
Intimacy is waking
them at 3am when you can’t breath from a nightmare.
Intimacy is walking into a room, seeing their face and instantly not feeling broken or lost anymore.
Sometimes I wish we could just start over, swipe everything we know about each other out of our minds.
Because maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much, if I loved you as a stranger and you left me after that.
I wouldn’t know all the things I know now.
I wouldn’t know how your laugh is contagious and your smile lights up a whole goddamn room.
I wouldn’t know how comforting your hugs are or how warm your eyes make me feel.
I wouldn’t know your secrets or the depth of your heart.
After everything, I can’t see us going back to the way things used to be.
I can’t forget the way your body feels against mine.
I can’t forget the way your kiss makes me lose my mind.
I just can’t forget and you know how the saying goes…
If two past lovers can remain friends,
Either they never were in love or they still are.
I can’t be your friend…
It hurts too much…
I’m in love with you.