And so it is

Love

7c810abb34ab0172337e089fd469bc28I woke up wanting his arms around my waist, his lips brushing against mine.

It’s a painful feeling when the person you are dreaming about is untouchable.

The person I wanted at 3am didn’t want me anymore.

We were friends and then we were lovers and that’s where it ends.

You can be a lover and find a friend inside that person, but it’s impossible to have a friend and turn them into a lover without losing them when it all comes crashing down.

I knew him in the most intimate way possible, in and out of the bedroom.

Because intimacy isn’t just knowing every curve and feel of their body,

Intimacy is waking
them at 3am when you can’t breath from a nightmare.

Intimacy is walking into a room, seeing their face and instantly not feeling broken or lost anymore.

Sometimes I wish we could just start over, swipe everything we know about each other out of our minds.

Because maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much, if I loved you as a stranger and you left me after that.

I wouldn’t know all the things I know now.

I wouldn’t know how your laugh is contagious and your smile lights up a whole goddamn room.

I wouldn’t know how comforting your hugs are or how warm your eyes make me feel.

I wouldn’t know your secrets or the depth of your heart.

After everything, I can’t see us going back to the way things used to be.

I can’t forget the way your body feels against mine.

I can’t forget the way your kiss makes me lose my mind.

I just can’t forget and you know how the saying goes…

If two past lovers can remain friends,

Either they never were in love or they still are.

I can’t be your friend…

It hurts too much…

I’m in love with you.

I choose

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I choose him, for he made me see things I wouldn’t see alone. I choose him, for he makes my heart and soul smile. I choose him, for my love for him is returned, equally. I choose him, for nothing good would ever come if it wasn’t him. I choose him, for distance is just a word now, not a war. I choose him, for I commit myself to the unknown, intrepidly. I choose him, for love is magic growing inside of me. I choose him, for he’s part of my life, my smile, my dreams. I choose him, for I want him. Only him. And I choose him, for I love us.  

Lead the way

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As we get older, we definitely start noticing stuff about ourselves which we didn’t use to. We start paying more attention to things like the way we dress, the way we carry ourselves etc. We start doing things not for ourselves, but mainly on the grounds of other people’s opinion. Now when I say doing things, I don’t mean helping people. We all know how it goes. We do stuff, because we see others doing it or just because we want others to notice us.
As things and time goes by, does it really benefit us? Most of us have been so into that lifestyle that it has become part of us; a sort of habit. We all have to recognize that nothing is stronger than habits, and that habits change our character. Now don’t get me wrong I am not trying to judge any one, reason being that I was like that too and I am still struggling with it as well. All things being considered, when you look at your life through an outsiders lens, caring about people’s opinion of you is very unhealthy. I come from an environment where choosing your career, your spouse and even whether having kids or not is very much influenced by the way we think others will regard us.

So as from today, I want you to remember this the next time you have those “what would people think” kind of thoughts. Your life is YOUR OWN ship and you are the captain of this ship, so you sail it the way you want to. Don’t let people’s opinion make you feel bad, guilty or regretful for living your life. You only live once so live your life the way you want it. You have always had a dream, don’t let people talk you out of it. Go after that dream and make sure you enjoy the journey of achieving that dream. 
 

“Wolves don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.”- Unknown

Chances

Love

Sometimes, not often enough and not always, you meet someone and everything just clicks. You are entirely comfortable with this person. You can talk about anything and everything and you seem to be on the same wavelength. It doesn’t matter what you say, they understand exactly what you mean and listen.

They make you smile just by thinking of them.

The attraction isn’t only physical. Their personality makes them so much more appealing than looks ever could.

Somehow, you anticipate what each other needs and provide it automatically.

Even when you are apart, their presence is still felt strongly in your life.

The bond is so strong that you would fight to keep it, but you don’t need to because they are exactly where they want to be and you are exactly who they want to be with.

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So, whats next?

Life

I thought that before we jump into this new journey, it would be important to shed some light on as to why we find adulthood so terrifying. When I say ‘we’ I mean those of us who have just, or soon will be, graduating college or university.

I don’t presume that i know how every single young twenty-something feels about this critical time period in their life but what I do know is this: not once, in my twenty one years of life did anyone ever say anything encouraging about becoming an adult. From the time I was little, I’d shout “I can’t wait to grow up!” and the response from my parents, relatives, or random strangers, was always “No you don’t, because when you do grow up you’re going to wish you were young again.” This was always spoken with a tone of dread, a hint of misery and a dash of regret.

Then, when I got a little older, people started telling me that high school sucks and college will be the best years of my life. So eventually I got through high school and fell into the world of plenty; plenty of freedom.

I arrived to college first year wide-eyed and ready to take it all in. Then suddenly three years go by faster than the first 18 years of life altogether.

Third year was tough, tough tough, and in first semester you’re just trying to survive and keep your marks from falling as drastically as your spirit has. Then your final semester comes, and this is when people really amp up the despair factor. Lecturers, peers, friends, and 11012447_1673160599632297_7008504044664095691_neven strangers become a strange form of nemesis. They are the ones that are telling the tales of how awful life after college is “the great thing about being in college is you have no responsibility! Once you leave, that’s all gone.” Or the friends that are convinced they will never see anyone ever again “I’m going out every single night this week because I’m never going to see these friends again!” Last, and probably the worst, are the genuinely concerned people who want to know how far along your plans are for the future “have you heard from any jobs yet?” “Where have you been looking?” “where do you see yourself in five years?” what do you want to DO?”

Now, let’s break this down. We have the naysayers mourning the glories of total freedom, the desperadoes clinging onto the sinking ship of their youth, and the kind souls who are simply trying to help.

Many, if not most, of these people have good intentions when saying what they think needs to be said but I’m going to offer my own opinion in an effort to expose these statements which have over time started turning into almost dark fairy tales of what lies in the forest of adulthood beyond.

Responsibility: Seriously, unless you have a child or loans straight out of college why do people keep saying you have MORE responsibility? After graduating college, the only responsibilities I truly have are going to work and paying my bills. Both of which I have already done.
Bam. Myth exposed.

Adios Amigos: Never seeing your friends again. Okay, this is a more realistic “myth” but here are the facts. If you established a good solid friendship with someone during college and you both would like that friendship to continue, it will. If you have a casual friendship where you drink together twice a week and rarely talk about more than the latest campus gossip, it probably won’t.

“The Plan”: I have actually lost count of how many times I’ve been asked “what’s the plan after college?” by friends, relatives, teachers, and even strangers. I don’t hate these people for asking, not at all, curiosity and an interest in my future is never a bad thing! I just hate the question. Or maybe I hate my answer. Or maybe I just hate having to think about it. Pick one, or all three! Simply put, I think it just makes us think about things that we don’t have the answer to; and nobody likes being the only one who doesn’t know the answer.

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I hope this post has helped launch you into my thought process for this blog, but just in case my purpose is still far out in space here’s what it is: I want to make adulthood sound less daunting. This blog will be a compilation of stories, tips and my own exciting exploits as I journey into the unknown!

Life is about the not knowing, the delicious and often terrifying ambiguity, having to change, accommodate.. taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is next. – Gilda Radner

Better off now

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One thing I’ll never be able to understand is people who purposely want to hurt and destroy the happiness of others just to make themselves feel better.
If someone else is happy without you in their life and have become a better version of themselves because of it, why would you want to prevent or halt them from becoming that?

Interfering and trying to ruin other people isn’t going to make you seem more desirable or enhance your life in any way. It might make you happy because you feel you have some sort of power but it’s not going to change anything.

If you truly care about someone whether it’s on a friendship level or even just on an acquaintance level surely you wouldn’t want to make them purposefully unhappy?

I’ve spent a lot of my time trying to be the best I possibly can be and treat those the way they deserve to be treated but when someone comes in and tries to take away something that’s important to me, I will definitely not be nice or entertain it.

You shouldn’t try and force yourself back into someone’s life who doesn’t want you there any more even if it’s what you want.

Being bitter isn’t going to make your life any better.


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Just an introduction..

about me

I am Nicole Barlow, a 21-year-old BCom Strategic Management student from Cape Town, South Africa.

I have been meaning to blog and have attempted to on various occasions but I always end up forgetting about it.

I have decided to finally commit (YAY) a12189156_1672333939714963_3136025936781475721_n - Copynd blog about what it’s like being a Twenty-Something year old in all aspects of life, love and work.

Hopefully all of you readers will be able to relate and share your experiences with me as well 🙂

So here’s to new experiences!


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